blablabla almost Christmas

What do i know......
Who i am.........
Who i am ................
What do i want............
why.............................
where..........................

I see things that i miss - i love, i think... i don't know....my love is like lighting.... shows up in certain points but does not manifest as a continuous glow....
My love will shift into hate so easily? i think not, experience sais i am a thorough lover as i am a stubborn person....
i appologise even though i know it's lies.....

i need my balance... i am drifting, seeing faces, hearing voices.. people talk and keep on talking although i am numb.... i miss who i could have been... i miss nothing in fact but dream of something to change...

i wish my dreams were cleared.... my dream is just light.... light where.. light everywhere.... i do not and will not get to heaven no matter how hard i'll ever try... i am no good material, they don't allow halfbreeds in Eden...

Coward, damn coward... i do not dare.... Blame me, laugh, i am too coward to fight... i am too coward to try.... i wish i was a stringer man....

i wish i could be a stronger man by choice, but it does not work lik this....

miss him when he is strong and careless... miss him when i belong....

wish for alot of things, very rarely got up to do smtg about it....

i can't tell you what it really is,
i can tell you what it feels like...

Circles in my mind, coward, damn dead coward, living corpses... WHO AM I?

Why am i.....


ARGH